my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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