All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
