Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
