somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
