i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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