apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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