if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
