i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
