He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
