just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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