the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
