ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
