i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
