he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
