On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
