Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
