And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
