I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
