capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
