Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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