and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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