Jerry, you need to find god
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
