Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
