Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
