Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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