U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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