My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
