Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
