when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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