Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When are your genitals available?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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