Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
