is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
