Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this boner is exhausting
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
