Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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