But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
