somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We are two peas in an std pod
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
