I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm passing your future prison.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
