the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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