singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My balls are so social today.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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