forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
