I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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