I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
