He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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