she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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