Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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