So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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