I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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