Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
