I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
