DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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