yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
