i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I forget how to act sober
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